Go and make a cup of coffee and a sandwich - this one goes on a bit and I'd hate you to starve on my account.

And so it came to pass that we planned a summer cruise, fitting in with my work schedule, the crew members' holidays and a hopefully fine weather window. So much for theory then - here's what actually happened . . . . .

We know we can set off on Friday anytime we like and don't need to be back until the following Sunday, a whole 10 days of cruising so we decide that the Four Counties Ring is a fair bet, comprising as it does new territory for most of the crew. According to various hire boat brochures it is a reasonable week, which if you are hiring equates to 6 days, we figure we can easily do it and allow ourselves 2 days cruising each way to and from the actual loop. We set our computer software to work and are rewarded with the result of a rather satisfying 8 hours a day cruising on average.

So far so good, until my business commitments change on the Wednesday before we set off and now we can't leave until Sunday afternoon. We give the software a revised set of cruising times, still possible but now a 10 hour cruising day is forecast. Now would be a good time to tell you that whilst I still have to work for a living if I can get time cruising then that's what I like to do. I understand that there are people who consider 10 hours a day cruising extreme, but each to their own eh ?

Sunday 13th August 2006

Come Sunday afternoon and the younger members of the crew are still not back from visiting relatives. Our cruise time is getting shorter and we had rather hoped to get 4 - 5 hours in today, getting us well on the way. A few texts between various members of resident and absent crew later and we have a new expected departure time of 7pm. OK, so maybe 2 hours of cruising then.

By 7pm the absent crew members are back ! The mains hook up is unhooked, the engine is started and I notice rather a lot of water moving around the boat. Check that the gear lever is in neutral, which it is and study the moving water once more. At this point it is worth reminding you that we moor stern on to the jetty, pontoon to our right (starboard if you prefer). I move the control to forward and apply a little rev. Lots more water movement but no forward movement. Even when tied up (as we still are at this point) there is some slack to play with so I look puzzled for a few seconds then try the same in reverse, getting the same result. 2 plus 2 may well indeed come to 4, but only in a working brain and thus it took me a few minutes to work out what was happening, exploring a random selection of other integers on the way. If you've worked it out already, well done.

What had actually happened was that the gear selection cable had snapped within the outer casing, down at the gearbox end of things. Thus the engine would start because the lever was in neutral, the engine would rev when I asked it to because the throttle cable was still OK but we had, all along, been in reverse. This explains why there was movement of water under the boat but no forwards or backwards - 'No backwards ?' I hear you ask - 'even though you were in reverse ?' Yes, no backwards. You see when the engine started the gearbox was already in reverse on account of the last thing it did was to be in reverse the last time we moored up. Hence we were already rubbing against the jetty, no more backwards to be had.

You could hear the scream of anguish throughout the solar system - even poor old Pluto, now downgraded to a 'minor planet' and my cries of anguish were exceeded only by the junior crew members learning of several new, highly creative ways of joining otherwise well known Anglo-Saxon phrases together. Joking apart, we soon considered ourselves very lucky that this cable snapped right  now - it could so easily have snapped whilst we were in the Alrewas river section, or even in a remote part of the countryside somewhere.

However, we cannot get a new gear cable until tomorrow morning at the earliest so we plug the mains back in and making the best of a bad job Sally decides to calculate some alternative routes based on a Monday lunch time set off (about 11 hours a day) as a safety net. I start taking the control panel to pieces only to have two of the four bolts shear off, then to my rescue comes one of our boating neighbours with the right size drill bit and tap set, along with matching shiny new bolts. We all go to bed miffed but determined to triumph over adversity.

A trip to 'uncle' Norman's later (Millar Marine) and to our delight he has the right gear cable in stock (with the way things were going, we were expecting to have to order and await delivery). Thanks to last night's work it is now a simple matter to re-fit the new cable, adjust it to make sure that we get the right gears and at last - we're off ! We still don't know where we are going, but we are going.

Our normal cruising style is around walking pace - sometimes we are the overtakers, sometimes the overtaken. By 5:30 p.m.  we have made it to Alrewas lock having completed the very pretty and amazingly clear river section.

 By 8:30 p.m. we have reached Woodend and decide to moor up just before bridge 55.Isn't experience a wonderful teacher ? We now know that mooring up under an oak tree leads to a night spent listening to the sound of acorns acting in accordance with gravity and proving beyond all doubt that a small, hard object (an acorn say), when striking a large resonant object (the roof of a 62ft boat for arguments' sake) makes a very loud noise indeed in the otherwise silent mooring we had found. The sensation can be likened to needing a wee in the night, you know you'd be more comfortable if you sorted it out but the thought of getting out of bed to achieve it somehow doesn't seem worth the effort.

Having slept on it - between acorn strikes - we have decided to make the most of the light and set off with the dawn each day and see how far we get. Accordingly we are moving a little before 6:00 a.m. and spend the day proceeding through Rugeley, Gt Haywood and a few more places on the way we end up at Stone by 4:00 p.m. We do a combination of watering up, depositing the rubbish and getting some shopping for bread and milk before setting off again. Somewhere along here I discover that the bilge pump isn't working.

A bit of exploration shows that when I had the control box to pieces I'd dislodged the wires from the bilge pump's switch. All I had to do then was put them back - yeah right. I'm 6ft 4 and 18 stone with hands to match. Sally on the other hand is somewhat more slightly built and it was her fair hand that eventually managed to re-locate the wires. Onwards then, mooring up at a highly recommended Barlaston for the night, somewhere about 8:00 p.m.

Overnight we have decided that our get up very early, cruise very late policy is gaining us a significant amount of ground. It is starting to look like 4 Counties is still a possibility so long as we clear Harecastle and get well on the way across the Middlewhich Arm of the Shropshire Union by the end of today . Starting cruising at 5:30 a.m. (a beautiful, peaceful time of day) we clear Stoke and arrive at the tunnel at 10:20 a.m. having missed the previous tunnel convoy by 20 minutes. Ah well, water up and breakfast then.

We discuss the various tales of hauntings and decide that we feel sorry for any poor ghost that has to face us lot and make the decision to sing "If you're happy and you know it" as we go and see how many others in our convoy will join in.

Having passed through the tunnel by 12:30p.m., not having seen a ghost but noting a very fine and funny skeleton painting on the wall at about the 700 metre mark we carry on, passing through a succession of locks collectively known as the Cheshire Flight but also known to generations of boaters as 'Heartbreak Hill'. It rains. Lots.

On the left is a photo of a 'split bridge'. For those of you not in the know these were originally designed to allow the working boat's towing rope to pass through the split, thus removing the need to un-hitch the horse. Sadly many of these have now had the split welded or bolted together.

I am not sure if  this is in the name of Health & Safety or simply by way of strengthening a very old structure but it remains my view that these bridges are very pretty and functional things and it is a shame to have to explain to passers by 'how it used to be'.

Did I mention it rained earlier ? Guess what - it carried on raining all the while we did 'Heartbreak Hill. Some might prefer to moor up while it rains, but to us this was a distinct advantage; not only did we have the entire flight to ourselves but were also glad of the cooling rain (rather than beating-down sunshine) as we worked our way down the 26 lock flight. By the time we got to the British Salt factory, shown here on the right, the evening was drawing in. That huge pile on the left of the photo, towering above the 2 storey office building is salt. The 'wich' in Middlewich, Northwich & Nantwich refers to salt. It has been 'mined' by pumping very hot water down into the ground, the salt dissolves into a brine solution and is forced back up out of the ground by even more hot water being pumped in. This 'mining', like all mining, has led to significant subsidence in the area.

Eventually we moor up just above Kings Lock, a short distance before the Middlewich arm at 9:00 p.m. and work out that it is decision time. If we make Hurleston junction by around 12 noon tomorrow we are over half way and will continue, if not we turn around, knowing we have enough time to get back.

We set of as the sun should have been rising, clear Kings Lock then turn left onto arguably the shortest canal on the network -  the famous 'Wardle'. I say arguably because despite this plaque there is bound to be someone out there who points out that the Bond End is still navigable. Anyhow, shortest or not we have now done it.

As we proceed along the Middlewich arm of the Shropshire Union we come upon a few interesting sights, then turn left onto the mainline of the Shroppy about an hour ahead of time. Full steam ahead for Hurleston Junction then.

Traditional canal decoration at it's best. Poor thing seems to be suffering from exterminator's droop though.

Honestly can't remember seeing a horse like this before but it sure is a nice statue and at a guess somewhere near life size too.

Looking down Audlem flight from somewhere about halfway up. This was taken a few minutes after a thunderstorm we didn't stop for.

Setting of early once more we proceed in eerie silence through Woodeaves cutting, a canal truly forged through stone of this area and subsequently often not wide enough to allow two boats to pass. We marvel at the trees that seem to cling to the sheer rock edges along this cutting and the lush vegetation that seems to enjoy this dark, damp and cool environment.

It rains some more

Did I mention it rained ?

This must be one of the most photographed bridges on the cut - High Bridge.

Once more my memory doesn't recall the name of this very pretty bridge as we continue down the Shroppy. 

At last ! Down through the 6 inch stop lock, turn left onto the Staffs and Worcester, or more locally known, the Stiffs and Worse.

We woke up in daylight ! Didn't start moving until 7:45.

We move on through familiar territory now, Penkridge, Acton Trussell, Walton on the Hill, Millford and on to Tixall wide where we do of course perform the compulsory 'round in a complete circle just because we can' manouvre.

On then to Great Haywood, (excellent farm shop for local produce just over bridge 74 next to the hire base), turn right onto the Trent and Mersey and past Shugborough Hall and as far as Ravenshaw wood for the last night out, remembering of course to avoid the oak trees.

Another lie in, 7:30 this time and we set off down through the Fradley flight, passing the famous 'Swan', known to boaters as the 'mucky duck' for some strange reason.

We make good time on the rest of the way home, stopping off to water up before finally mooring up at 5:30 p.m.

So, there you have it. A nice relaxing cruise, in 6 1/2 days we cruised for 88 hours, used 35 gallons of diesel, covered 163 miles and 126 locks. Our average time through a lock was a little under 9 minutes.

I appreciate that such a hectic schedule, with early starts, late finishes and so on isn't everyone's idea of a fun holiday. To be fair it isn't the way we'd have chosen to do it either but circumstances kind of forced it on us. Next time we do this cruise we plan to take at least 2 weeks and allow ourselves the time to explore the many towns and villages we just cruised on past this time.